Schizophrenia psychotic break8/2/2023 “So, once I realize I’m having one of those warning signs, that means I need to get home and pretty much get into bed. One of these signs is when she starts thinking in third person. Nowadays, Rachel is able to recognize the early signs of an episode. And in those moments I’ve even had the ability to think, ‘Oh no, what if I don’t come out of this?’” I know something is very wrong, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not like I’m in an alternate reality. “If I’m in a fully psychotic episode… I’m still here, I’m just far away. The longest one I’ve had was only a few days. For some people with schizophrenia, they can last much longer. “They can last like a few minutes to days. These episodes are when symptoms totally take over. Rachel distinguishes these “everyday” symptoms of psychosis - in which she can still function in reality - from complete episodes of psychosis. “If I’m in a fully psychotic episode… I’m still here, I’m just far away.” “Schizophrenia is like wires crossed,” she says. It plays into the confusion of psychosis. It sounds like it’s coming from the walls or another room. The ticking sound might get louder and softer or faster and slower. She says it’s like someone is holding a wristwatch to her ear, like a constant “tick tick tick.” When this happens, she may hear what sounds like someone talking behind her, but she can’t quite make out what they’re saying. These voices might sound like they’re coming from inside the wall or from another room, for example.įor Rachel, voices can also be triggered by white noise, such as the sound of vacuuming or drilling. It sounds like somebody who’s around you,” Rachel says. “Most of the time don’t hear voices in our heads. Since I was little, I’ve heard the far-away voices talking. “I’ve never had the voice telling me to do bad things. I never thought they were talking about me. I’d catch a word or two, but it was never like a full-on conversation. “So, I could make out voices that were talking, but I couldn’t quite figure out what they were saying. ![]() It was more of a radio being left on that’s caught between channels in another room of the house,” she says. “Mine was never a straight-up voice talking to me. Some people feel like the voices are talking directly to them or about them. Some people may hear one particular voice while others hear several. Voices vary considerably for people with psychosis. Since I was little, I’ve heard the far-away voices talking.” It’s like my brain is glitching and can’t fully understand what’s in front of it,” she says. “Sometimes I’ll look at another human and they’ll be distorted, and I know something is off. “I would look at trees and the leaves would turn into faces. It’s not like an emoji,” she says with a chuckle. If Rachel looks at the carpet for long enough, she will start to see faces. I’ve gotten really good at glancing,” she says. “It’s pretty much across the board for any kind of reflection - even if it’s a store window or something. If I look in the mirror for more than a second, my features start to change and become distorted and weird, and I have to get away from it. I have to be careful because I can trigger it. She estimates they happen about 90% of the time. And I learned very quickly to keep my mouth shut, because nobody wants to another reason to stand out in high school.”įor Rachel, these hallucinations are fairly constant and her most persistent feature. “And that was literally the moment I realized not everybody saw these things. ![]() And one of my friends was like, ‘Rachel, what are you talking about?’ “It wasn’t until I was in high school that I said something about seeing monsters. “Because why else would people talk this much about demons and angels and the spiritual realm unless everyone was seeing it?” she says. So, when I got older, that’s what I assumed I was seeing - that I saw the spiritual realm.”Īgain, Rachel didn’t think this was so unusual. ![]() “I also grew up in the church and you heard the preacher on Sunday talking about demons and angels and Satan. Rachel explains that since everyone would talk about the “monsters under your bed” and the “monsters in your closet,” she naturally assumed that everyone else saw these things, too. “I grew up seeing monsters and scary things, and I thought that was normal,” she says. Rachel has experienced hallucinations since childhood, for as long as she can remember. “I grew up seeing monsters and scary things, and I thought that was normal.” Here, she shares an in-depth look into what psychosis feels like. ![]() Rachel Star Withers is an entertainer, speaker, video producer, and co-host of Psych Central’s “ Inside Schizophrenia” podcast.
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